Week 12 – Talking to Myself

Hello readers!talking-to-myself

Throughout my life I have talked to myself.  Slow down!! There’s no need to call for professional help, there’s good reasons for it! I was raised as an only child by my semi-strict great grandparents. The limitations impressed upon me as a kid were done more out of caution & fear than anything resembling mean spiritedness.  They were both born in the late 1800’s so even though they watched the world change, they didn’t always understand it.  The closest cousins near my age were 400 miles away and I didn’t meet my 2 amazing half sisters until I was 17.  Kids in school usually tried to pick on me, so I spent a lot of time ignoring them.  Luckily, I was a smart kid and usually I found myself hanging with and defending those that would have been known as the misfits.  So you ask why I talked to myself!?  Playtime at home as an only child required imagination.  Imagination leads to pretending leads to role playing leads to talking to myself!

Enter adulthood… working with computers all day will make you talk to yourself.  You know what I mean; when the computer tells you that it “can’t find the printer” in frustration you lift the printer over your head in front of the monitor, shake it vigorously and yell “It right here you stupid piece of %#$^*&!!@”.  You tell others that you are talking to the computer (as if that makes it better!).  They give you that slightly concerned half smile… and move their desk & chair a little farther away!   This has gone on for most of my adult life… I no longer care if people are scared! (LOL) My computer speak now consists of me calmly informing the machine that it will do my bidding or else I will format it’s hard drive and rebuild it!

Enter September 2016 I find a group of people that not only don’t care if I talk to myself… they actually encourage and in some cases require it! Nirvana!  They want me to read the current chapter out loud every night.  I walk through the house singing/speaking emotionally charged affirmations like “Do it Now!”, “I can be what I will to be!” and my personal favorite “I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious and happy!”  I stand in front of a mirror reading a poem and declaring my love for… me!! The latest pushed even my limits of talking to myself.  It was an exercise where I read a one sentence declaration of my DMP (Definite Major Purpose) in the mirror for 50 that’s FIFTY minutes out loud!

Fifty minutes seems like a long time to do such an exercise.  Actually it goes pretty fast and you go through a lot of feelings and different phases in that time.  First there’s the “What the hell? Am I really doing this, I feel like an idiot!” phase. Next comes the “impostor syndrome” phase. In this phase you don’t believe what you are saying so you wonder how can you expect anyone else to believe it. If you persist you find yourself in the “believer” phase.  In this phase you believe what you are reading and you know without a doubt that you can achieve and in fact already have achieved your DMP.  It is likely that you may flip flop between the imposter & believer phases.. If you keep going the final message is You persist…You win!

Let’s all have a conversation with ourselves and WIN!

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8 thoughts on “Week 12 – Talking to Myself

  1. Hey Kim,
    I truly get it. I was a computer consultant for a few decades, in my past. When I started I thought that techie talking to themselves was strange. Then I too started doing it. Then I thought, well at least I am not arguing with myself. Tie moves on, now I just am happy if I do not loose the argument (with myself). So I have yor back buddy.
    Merry Christmas

    Liked by 1 person

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