Week 6 – Accountability

This week I was introduced to my accountability partner. At first I thought “great… another one, I’ve tried this before!”. To my surprise getting acquainted with her was fast and easy. We connected in less than a minute. It turned out to be someone I’ve known for quite a while. It was rather unnerving remembering how well she knew me.  She was able to look right through me as if I were simply transparent.

We share a lot of the same interests but sometimes I think she’s crazy.  Occasionally she tells me to “step out of my comfort zone” and “try some new things”. Sometimes I tell her to leave me alone and that I’m happy with the old things (must be the old blueprint talking). She keeps pushing. I must admit when she does finally convince me to leave the comfort of my “zone” she’s rarely wrong. It’s almost never as hard, time consuming, awful or embarrassing as I thought it would be and sometimes I wind up having fun.  (Who knew right!? Oh yeah… she knew.)

When I procrastinate it’s her insistent voice I hear saying; dare I say singing; “Do it now! Do it now! Do it now!”. Rather than being rude and yelling at her I get up and “Do it now!”. Sometimes I think I do it just to keep her quiet. Whatever the reason, the task gets done.

Sadly, I realize that in the past I have disappointed her many times, despite not wanting to.  Each time I did so my heart ached with the pain of hurting her.   When I succeed she’s there to celebrate with me.  When I fail it’s her sadness, disappointment and sometimes tears that greet me.  Gratefully she has never given up on me.  When I promise to do better or decide to try again, I see hope in her eyes and a new resolve to provide encouragement and support when needed.

I suppose it’s possible that you are still wondering who she is. How does she know me so well?  Why does she have so much sway over me? Perhaps telling you how we were reintroduced will answer those questions.  About 3/4 through the Week 6 Webinar I was instructed to print a poem, post it at eye level and read it each night during my sacred hour before bed.

That first night in my bathroom as I washed my hands I looked up to read and there she was staring back at me. At first I ignored her and read the poem.  Then I read it again. I looked at her once more, I really looked at her and realized that my best accountability partner truly is me.  The original poem was written in 1934 by Dale Wimbrow titled “The Guy in the Glass“. Over time it has been modified to be inclusive which is why I was able to read “The Gal in the Glass“. Whatever its origins the message rings true and the 2nd stanza stood out for me so I read it again.

“For it isn’t your Father, or Mother, or Partner for life,
who judgement upon you must pass.
The person whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the gal staring back from the glass.”

To conclude the exercise, I looked in the mirror and looked her straight in the eye.  I reflected on the poem once more while keeping eye contact. I took a deep breath, nodded slightly and said aloud “I love you Kim Cherie Wells”.

mirror

 

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4 thoughts on “Week 6 – Accountability

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